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Brain Brain

I am not trying to play the blame game, but my mental health negatively affected my academics more than I would like to admit. My academics suffered along with my mind up until the day that I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. I always attributed my depressive moods with the fact that I had moved away from my family to college. I was only three hours away from home, but the inability to drive and the strong bond between my family and I made it seem much farther away. I was the first in my family to venture off to pursue a bachelor’s degree. Being first generation made the transition that much harder. I began to fall behind in classes from lack of energy and motivation due to the depressing feeling of isolation. To cure the depression I was experiencing, I decided to move back home to Houston and enrolled at the University of Houston. Once classes started up I noticed I was not doing any better than I was in San Antonio. My sister suggested I get a consultation f...
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Thank you,

Amor, I love you so much. Thank you for always being patient with me even if sometimes I’m a little crazy. Thank you for always believing in me and backing me up. Thank you for being honest with me all the time and for telling me how it is instead of sugar coating things.  Thank you for keeping me grounded and focused on my goals and for pushing me toward them instead taking me away from them. Thank you for loving me after every argument and “breakup”. Thank you for not holding grudges and always putting irrelevant things past us. Thank you for letting me be a part of your family and a part of your friend group. Thank you for choosing to be in my life even when my brain was all messed up. I love more than anything and I just want to thank you for being so good to me. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to get somewhere and reach some goal but you’ve taught me to enjoy every day and I thank you for that. I just want you to know that I don’t take you for granted and that I alway...

who am i

i I don't even know anymore. Who am i? Is it even worth capitalizing that i? Am i even that important? I never had to talk about it until today.. It was hard. No one has ever asked me. "Why did you try it?" It's not me, honestly. I can feel myself leave. I'm in a fog. It comes over me without a warning. And with it comes tears. And more tears. I hate it. "You're just trying to escape?" "Yeah.. that's why I sleep so much. I don't cry when I'm asleep."

it was him

We met in seventh grade. I walked into my house and just as I opened the front door, there he was staring straight at me, wide eyed. He seemed familiar but I wasn’t sure. I went to my room but could feel his gaze upon me. He started coming over more often; his cousin was my older brother’s best friend. He had huge eyes that stared at me almost without blinking, every time he saw me. He never broke eye contact and that made me blush. In my culture there’s a belief called “ojo,” meaning eye or more specifically, the evil eye. It is believed that if someone stares at you for too long without touching you, they send bad vibes that could make you sick, or drop your food. I know, Mexicans are weird. But it’s my culture and I believe it. I started getting headaches every time he left my house. My mom would always say “te hizo ojo, no ves como te miraba con sus ojotes?” He stared, I got sick. I believed the Mexicans. It wasn’t long before I started to develop a small crush for my admirer. Of c...

it was him

    It was him.

June 3, 2017

June 3, 2017, I was 22. I saw him again after 4 years. He changed so much yet his eyes were still the eyes that stared at me almost 10 years ago . I was in love all over. I didn’t wait this time. I told him I loved him that night.

prom

We went to prom and it was just as magical as “the week.”