it was him

We met in seventh grade. I walked into my house and just as I opened the front door, there he was staring straight at me, wide eyed. He seemed familiar but I wasn’t sure. I went to my room but could feel his gaze upon me.

He started coming over more often; his cousin was my older brother’s best friend. He had huge eyes that stared at me almost without blinking, every time he saw me. He never broke eye contact and that made me blush.

In my culture there’s a belief called “ojo,” meaning eye or more specifically, the evil eye. It is believed that if someone stares at you for too long without touching you, they send bad vibes that could make you sick, or drop your food. I know, Mexicans are weird.

But it’s my culture and I believe it. I started getting headaches every time he left my house. My mom would always say “te hizo ojo, no ves como te miraba con sus ojotes?”

He stared, I got sick. I believed the Mexicans. It wasn’t long before I started to develop a small crush for my admirer. Of course I told my mom, even though she already knew.

My birthday party was coming up and I really wanted him to be there. I somehow managed to get my mom to invite him and his mom to my birthday party. He showed up to my birthday party even though I was late and he didn’t know any of my friends.

I knew he only spoke Spanish from listening to him talk with my brother and realized that I had never actually spoken to him. I took my chances with my nervous, out-of-use Spanish, and started a conversation with him in none other than the inflatable bouncy house.

I don’t exactly remember what we talked about but I know he made me smile. I guess my friends noticed I had a crush on him because later on at school they teased me whenever we saw him.

There was one time at lunch that he came and sat across from me at the table. His big hazel eyes staring straight at me, but not like before. He was confident now probably because his friends were watching.

He drew a doodle of himself on his office pass and wrote his name in elementary school handwriting. He gave it to me and told me to use it as a bookmark. I wondered if he noticed me blushing or noticed my best friend trying not to freak out at the fact that he was talking to me.

I didn’t speak much to him at school but quickly became his friend outside of school. I was able to hang out with him whenever my brother hung out with his cousin.

Our friendship was sincere and innocent and I tried hard not to let him know how huge my crush on him was all while trying extra hard to flirt with him. Having just turned 13 was difficult.

Our perfect days of hanging out and staring at each other, but really, came to an end when his parents decided to move back to Mexico. We cried, vowing to stay in touch.

We Facebook messaged every so often. He always wrote me huge paragraphs on my birthday that made me feel like he would always be there. We grew apart by living in different countries and before I knew it I had my first boyfriend and it wasn’t him

With my first boyfriend came my first heartbreak. But him, he was still there sending me messages making sure I had a Happy New Year, Happy Birthday, Happy Easter, Happy end of the school year, Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas.

One day his message was a little different. He said he would be coming to the US to stay with his cousins for the summer and wanted to know if maybe we could see each other. It didn’t take much to convince my brother to go spend a summer at his best friend’s house.

He was taken aback when I stood up quickly from his cousins bed as he entered the room to greet me. I was trying to play it cool like it wasn’t such a big deal. Like I didn't just want to run downstairs and jump into his arms. I stayed up stairs and pretended to be occupied instead.

It all happened in slow motion. Seeing him again after 3 years, dancing, staying awake until the sun came up, laying in the grass, playing volleyball, going to the beach, our first kiss.. the whole week was ingrained forever in my mind.

After a week in what seemed like a magical fairytale we had to say goodbye again. We cried, again.

We kept in touch just as before but began to drift to holiday-only conversations, just as before. I got another boyfriend. It still wasn’t him. By senior year I was tired of this boyfriend but he was there, in my messages.

I dumped my boyfriend and then messaged him to ask him to be my prom date (it might of been in the same day.. high school). To my surprise he said yes even though he would have to come to the US just to be my date. He didn’t mind.

We went to prom and it was just as magical as “the week.” I began to call him my husband and even saved him as that on my phone. I was in love, so of course I pushed him away and told him that if he caught feelings for me we would have to stop talking.

I went away to college and we drifted apart as we always did, but that summer I decided I wanted to date him. I had to tell him how I felt even though I was sure he knew because he felt the same way. I finally got the courage to tell him, but he already had a girlfriend.

He told me he didn’t know what I was talking about and that he only saw me as a friend. He said that maybe we could try later (to date), maybe when we were in our 20's and able to do things more freely, when we had our lives in order and we weren’t just kids.

I was heartbroken. I didn’t talk to him. Not even holiday conversations. I moved on. He still called me on New Years every year, and if he couldn’t reach me he would ask his aunt to call my mom so he could get a hold of me.

I decided to transfer colleges and come back home. I would stalk his Instagram every so often, comparing myself to his most recent girl, staring into his big “ojos” in his pictures. I got another boyfriend. It wasn’t him.

I was 21, moved in with my boyfriend. I was 22 tired of my boyfriend. I dreamt about him, I hadn’t seen his face since my instagram stalking. I messaged him on social media telling him about my dream. I got tired of the relationship I was in and moved out.

June 3, 2017, I was 22. I saw him again after 4 years. He changed so much yet his eyes were still the eyes that stared at me almost 10 years ago. I was in love all over. I didn’t wait this time. I told him I loved him that night.

We went to a music festival and it was the fairytale starting right where it left off 6 years ago. I was in love and I told him. We didn’t talk about a future. He lived in another city.

I got a new boyfriend. It was him.